No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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