I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
