i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
