I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
