Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
