She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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