I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
