spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
