# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
