How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
