Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
