Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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