Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
