On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
