i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
