Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
