i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
