she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
