Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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