At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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