Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
