on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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