Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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