I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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