Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
