Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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