I'm going to jail i love you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
