so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
