remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
