also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
