Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
