..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
