My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
