adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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