You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
