her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
this is an emotional support booty call
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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