Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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