What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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