we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize