We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How naked do you want me to be?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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