I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
