as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Green mimosas i think yes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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