I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
