we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
