I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
