You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
