I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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