my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
