He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
