At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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