Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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