this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
