Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
