oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth