He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
