hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
