I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
