for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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