I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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