so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
