I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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