To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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