i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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