So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
