Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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