And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
