she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize